Two days ago my husband asked me, “Is this as good as it will get?”
My first reaction was to shout “Hell no! There is so much still to do! To see! To conquer! Etc.”
I saw the worry in his face about our businesses (we have 3 between the 2 of us), his fear of buying a house together, his (and my) concerns about settling down, and all the other anxieties he holds inside. I finally said, “No.”
Four weeks ago I started the altMBA and was asked to write down a goal. The goal was to launch an app, the idea for the app itself isn’t what is important. What is important is how after 4 weeks of reflection, growth, gracious feedback and thoughtful prompts that goal changed.
The first version of the goal was vague enough to keep me safe, but detailed enough to appear serious. It was a safe goal that seemed attainable, but I was keeping at arm-length distance. I did this out of fear, fear of actually trying and failing. I have never like others seeing me struggle. I have always wanted to toil quietly away from public eye, later emerging as a virtuoso. I was scared to have people see me do the hard work.
I also have the habit of getting excited about an idea before I even fully flesh it out — I have more than once bought a domain name because I thought my idea was brilliant only to never use it. While I appreciate my ability to get excited about an idea and start to imagine what it could look like and how it could be, I am also guilty of jumping ahead. I want to talk about what a viral video campaign would look like before even discussing a business model or looking at the competitive landscape.
Things are different now, 4 weeks later. I have been asked difficult questions. I have been made to understand my deeper “why”, what motivates me and what is the larger purpose behind the goals. I have been prodded to understand my story better and in doing so completely reformulated the goal. The goal now is based on my story, not the story of others. It is no longer based solely on seeing a gap in the market, but on the knowledge that I have something unique and significant to offer to fill that gap and I am not afraid to work hard at that idea in front of others. I am also not afraid to fail because I know that if I ship it, I will have succeeded.
I have grown over these four weeks. I understand my why, I understand how to harness my ideas, my energy and make a commitment to hard work. So no, dear husband, I do not think this is as good as it will get.